Binging and fasting

I binged three days in a row...how gross is that?! Today, I'm only fluids...no food. Coffee, calorie free sports drink, diet soda and water. End of story. Tomorrow, more fasting. I must lose all this extra weight. I hate feeling so fat. I hate looking at myself. My pants are tight- they should not be tight. My stomach has a thick layer of fat that has to go. I will walk miles and miles if I have to. I will workout. I just hate myself and feel so guilty for bingng. I will punish myself until I'm small enough. Even if that means the rest of my life!

Diet Pills, Energy, and less calories

I'm taking one diet pill a day, right now. That's all I really seem to need right now. I still have plenty of energy to do everything I need to get done. I'm struggling with sleep at night, though. Its not terrible; it just takes forever. My stomach growls a lot in the afternoon, but it makes me smile. I'm not sure I could do this without that pill! I'm trying to eat less. Friday didn't go so well, but I got down to 800, yesterday. And today, I've only had 300, so far. Coffee drinks are what's really getting me. Its cold out, so I'm drinking a lot more mochas, lattes, cidar... Thats the hardest part. I'm not really missing food, but I have been getting dehydrated. I'm trying to drink enough fluids, but it's actually really difficult. I'm watering down lemonade and gatorade to try to help.

I wish they would stop staring

Yes, I'm fat and ugly. Take a fucking picture and move on. I wanna crawl into a hole and die. I hate this worthless life of mine. More weight. I just keep gaining. And i just wanna run away from it all I hate looking in the mirror, epecially when I dont have cothes on. Its all fat. I try not to eat, but I always fuck up. I tried diet pills and had a bad reaction. Right now, I wanna take al the pills in my house and curl u into a miserable little ball to die. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling so alone and hurt. i really wanna die this time. No body cares. My boyfriend might have a brain tumor and if he does, its just another person to leave me. This time I wanna leave. I wanna leave them.

Ana's return

Its been rough. I've kinda lost track with Ana, but am determined to lose all this f***ing weight. I'm looking into diet pills, and needa start drinking lots of tea again. I'm also starting to drink more coffee, but I needa buy a coffee maker. I'm very tight on money, which means I'm eating less. I really wanna lose 20 pounds. I wish I could do it before my boyfriend moves in.I'm skyping with him right now. I'll try to get the diet pills tomorrow, and some tea. I have diet coke at home, which I think I need right now, because I am exhausted. Does being pro-ana make me bad? I mean I just wanna be skinny. What's the big deal?