Sorry that it's been a few weeks since my last blog. I slipped into a very dark place, and I can't say that I'm out of that dark place. I'm very depressed, but I'm trying to appear ok. On Monday, February 29, I went to the ER, because the suicidal thoughts got to be too much and I was really afraid I was gonna act on them. I stayed in the ER, getting IV fluids and drinking Gatorade with potassium until Tuesday afternoon. I was then moved to psych ward, where I stayed until this past Friday. This stay was a little different from all my other stays. It felt different. I didn't feel connected to the other patients; I didn't even feel like we could relate to each other. I felt like an outcast, so I stuck to myself, hid in my room, as much as possible. I still went to all the groups and meals, took my meds, and talked to the staff. They changed some of my meds; I haven't felt any different. At meals, I just picked at my food and ate the bare minimum. My blood glucose plummeted one morning, and I was supper shaky and throwing up. My hands are almost always tremoring now; I can't tell if its the lack of nutrients or the new medication. The sad part about it is, I really like feeling shaky and having tremors.
The discharge directions were "pretty simple":
- Check in with the clubhouse
- Check in with the Mental health clinic
- Get into residential treatment in the next month and a half.
Simple, right?
*hugs* I'm glad you're okay, and I'm proud of you for going to the ER. It's not an easy choice to make, especially at times you most need to be there.
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