Saturday, July 28, 2012

Back to counting

I finally got myself t start counting calories, agaain I got off track for a couple of weeks. But now, I'm ready to work a little harder. I'm thinking about trying the ABC diet, but I'm nervous. I wish I had some one to talk to and get tips from. But no one really understands.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Walking til I'm ready to pass out

I've been eating way too much. But I've also been forcing myself to walk until I pphysically feel unable to walk anymore. Then after taking a break, I try to walk a little more. I've been at a steady 87 lbs for several days. I wish I could be at a steady 84 lbs. Hopefully in the next week, I'll get back down to 84.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Baggy Skinnies

I lov the way these pants fit. I only own skinny jeans, but the pair that I'm wearing today is my favorite pair. They're baggy on me and make me feel so small and skinny. I love feeling good enough and pretty. I also love how they slide down when I walk, revealing my hip bone. Not because I want every one else to see. But because the way my hip bone feels. I love to be able to feel my tiny little bone. Its perfect.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Down to 84!

I'm down to 84 lbs! I've been eating too much, but I've increased my amount of exerciise. I have 24 lbs to go before I'm happy with my size. I just need to start eating less and I'll be able to get there. Some days, I do great; I eat less than 500 calries...but other days, I eat and eat until I feel sick. I hate how it makes me feel like a filthy fat pig. But the next day, I feel so motivated to rip all the weight off. I walk over ten miles and feel like I'm about to pass out by the time I get home. And even though I feel physically exhausted, I'm so proud of myself. I wish I had more days like that.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Yes, I'm fat. Yes, I'm ugly. And yes, I'm worthless.

I hate myself for being alive. For not commiting suicide. For being an ugly, worthless being. I want to die. I want to starve myself to death. I want to stab my empty body over and over again, while watching the fat run out of me llike blood.