Saturday, September 29, 2012

Crazier and Crazier

It's been an insane month, quite literally. Was in the hospital due to "anorexia" and suicide ideation for a week and a half. Then a transition house for a week. Then the homeless shelter for a week. Then I was detained in the hospital with a psychotic episode and inability to take care of myself for a week. And now I'm at the transition house again. From here, I'm going to live with my sister. I am not giving up Ana...but I'm scared of my future and I'm terrified of my current situation. Most days I feel confused and not really sure I wanna be alive. I wish I knew what to do and where to go from here. But I'm trapped in an illness that seems to consume me and I keep asking am I ever gonna get out. All I hope for right now is to get through the end of this year. I honestly dunno if I will. A part of me wants to beg for help, but this other part of me keeps doing everything to tear me apart. Not sure it'll ever end. Hopefully, Ana will bring me some sort of peace.