I feel like it's an endless battle with Ana. I'm trying to find a balance, but it's so difficult. I feel good one day, but the next, everything seems so difficult to deal with. I'm still eating, but it's hard to separate healthy from Ana. I'm vegetarian, again. This time, I'm gonna remain vegetarian. The problem is it makes it a lot easier to relapse. Lately, I just haven't felt like eating anything. Everything makes me feel so sick. I want vegetables, but even they seem fattening and unhealthy in my mind. Everything seems unhealthy. I thought being vegetarian would make it easier to not think about fat and calories and carbs. The problem is everything makes my stomach hurt lately. Then I don't wanna eat. And I keep ending up in this cycle of binging. Then starving myself. Then I've been wanting to purge and cut a lot lately. I haven't. I keep reminding myself that I'm almost to 6 months. I keep telling myself that I can make it. I'm trying to remain positive and encourage myself t keep up all my hard work. Today, I'm trying to be healthy and restore my strength. The stress of moving and Tiny being sick, and one of my closest friends dying has just been too much. On top of it all, I'm struggling with med changes and transportation issues, and finances (as usual).

Even with all the above stressors, my meditation skills are improving and so are my relationships. I'm also getting a job soon. Another stressor, but I keep reminding myself that I can do it and that getting a job will put me that much closer to going back to school. I'm trying so hard to push through the stress. I know if I keep at it, I can work through this. It's nice to have the support of my friends and family! I just hope that someday I can return all the favors that people have been doing for me.