Suicide Prevention Week

Its National Suicide Prevention Week and today is International Suicide Prevention Day. I really believe suicide can be prevented, because I’ve been there. My own suicide has been prevented plenty of times. I wanted to write a blog on what’s been helpful getting me beyond suicide attempts in honor of this week. At the end of my blog is a link to “My fundraising Page.” I’m raising money to go into Suicide Prevention research and education, and preventive action. This is really important to me, so if you can donate, please do! Even $5 is appreciated!

Just last year, I was making suicide attempts almost weekly. I thought for sure I wouldn’t make it to 2013. But here I am September 10, 2013 and it’s been about 8 months since my last attempt. There are still days that I think about ending my life, and I struggle to fight the urges to self-harm, but with a lot of effort and support, I’ve been able to keep going.

The hardest part for me was putting in the effort it took to love myself and treat myself with the respect that I deserved. I’m still learning to respect myself and nurture myself in the same way I do for my friends. I constantly remind myself, “Ally, show yourself a little respect. You deserve it just as much as anyone else.” What I’ve found to be helpful is my journaling (obviously) and taking part in task that make me feel a sense of “wow, this is freakin awesome and I did it”. Every day, I try to find something that I know will bring me that feeling. Like yesterday, I finished putting away three carts of dishes at work. Yeah, its my job, but I got it done a lot faster than I thought I would.

The other thing that has been helpful for me is support from friends and family. If you know my history, you know that kind of support hasn’t always been part of my life. I’ve had to realize that people aren’t gonna show support in the same ways. My sister shows support by spending time with me and talking (a lot) with me, while my adoptive parents showed support by curling up on the couch and watching tv with me and buying me stuff. Then there’s my former therapist who showed support by answering my phone calls no matter how late at night they were and by guiding me through panic attacks. I can’t really say how my current therapist has supported me, because I feel like she hasn’t.

But where I find a lot of my day-to-day support is at the clubhouse- my day treatment facility. The other members have supported me by understanding where I’m coming from, working on not speaking over me (it drives me crazy when people do that!), and by making me laugh. The staff has just been supportive in so many ways. They got me into one of their apartments, where I can afford to live, know all my neighbors, get help keeping my meds organized, and my kitty baby lives with me. They also furnished my apartment, which means I have a bed that eventually I’ll actually sleep in! They have been encouraging me to go to work for the past several months, too, and now I finally have a job. They continue to encourage me and tell me that I’m doing a good job. It always feels good to be praised!

Thank you for reading my blog; that is showing support itself! This is the link to “My Fundraising Page”:
http://afsp.donordrive.com/team/fixedsc

I appreciate all the support you are able to give!