Still having a difficult time

Its so hard to lose fat. Its so hard to cut out unneccessary calories. I back to under a thousand calories a day. My goal is to do under 500 calories. I'm trying so hard. I just wanna be small and thin and beautiful and perfect. I really do; I just forget sometimes. I wish I was stronger. I just need to be a little bit stronger to get down to the right weight. I haven't weighed myself in a couple of weeks. I've probably gained so much weight. I feel so fat and ugly. I need to fight my temptations a little bit more.