Nothing Left to Give

All my friends keep asking if I feel better. Did the hospital help? Am I better now? No, I'm not. I don't feel better. The hospital's just a Band-Aid to cover up the problems on the surface; this the Band-Aid wasn't big enough. I feel like crap. I can barely hold my head up. Tonight, I didn't even have to try to purge; my body just rejected the food itself. It said, "nope, you will not have that sitting in your body." Of course, I also threw up my medication...so I'll probably have a migraine tomorrow. And migraines always make everything seem so much worse. I don't know what to do at this point. I want help and desperately need help, but I feel like it's out of reach. I'm terrified of getting sicker, but I'm terrified of getting better, too. I just dunno what I want in life anymore. If I don't do something, I'm by default, getting sicker. My brains a mess right now. Just so many thoughts running through it and I just can't organize them into something for someone else to understand. At least, it feels that way. I wish I could just tell someone, I feel like shit. I feel like I can't keep going anymore. This ED's got me by the throat and I have nothing left to give.