Ana verses suicide

I feel tied between suicide and Ana. I wanna die so badly. I don't wanna be a burden on every one around me. But at the same time, I wanna believe that Ana will get me to a place where I will be worthy of love and attention. I wanna belive Ana can help me feel good about myself and not feel so much hatred. I've been planning my suicide since I was 16. I been planning May 29 as my day of suicide, but now its almost here. I wanna turn to Ana, completely, but what if I'm always worthless? What if Ana can't make me pretty and worthy of affection? I don't know what to do. I wanna kill myself this week, but at the same time, if I fail, I will be more miserable than I ever thought I could be. I don't wanna give up on Ana; I just wanna give up on myself. She's the only good thing in my life. I'm a worthless piece of shit that does't deserve to live. The past couple of days, i've been weak and falling for every temptation. I'm failing Ana at every moment. So, maybe I should just kill myself. I don't know if I'm strong enough to kill myself. Why is my life overwhelming with questions and insecurities?