I did not make it to the gym this week, but I did do yoga on Thursday. While I’m extremely disappointed in myself, I am excited that my gym buddy is back in town and am hoping she’ll encourage me to get to the gym. In the meantime, I’ve been cleaning and organizing my apartment. Well, I’ve been organizing my thoughts, mostly. Trying. I just wanna be healthy and feel positive. Right now, I feel very blah. So, I’ve been trying to think of things that would lift my spirits. My list of things that might make me feel a little better: organization (which my apartment desperately needs), working out (it should be easy, but it’s not), and decorating cakes.
I’m really anxious about baking and just food in general. I used to love to bake, but anorexia and this healthy food obsession has gotten in the way. I wanna feel good about decorating cakes. But I don’t. At one point, I really thought about going to culinary school and working in a bakery. I wanted to; I never will, but I wish I could move past this anxiety over food. I just get stressed out about the calories, the fat, the sugar, how it’ll affect my body, how much is okay to eat….and it just goes on and on. Then, I just say forget it. So, I probably won’t actually decorate cakes, but it’s a nice dream. Now, that typing this blog has triggered anxiety, I’m gonna go find something to organize or clean.
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