June 2013

I feel mega-depressed. Andi's dead. She's gone. And I didn't get to say good-bye and I miss her so much. Logically, I know it's not my fault, but I feel so guilty. I love her and she's probably one of the best friends I've ever had. I don't want her to be gone. And then, I think about her kid and how much it hurts to lose a mom. My heart feels like it's shattered. I can't do this anymore. I'm just in so much pain. My emotions: guilt for being a burden on her; grief; hopelessness; alone; defeated; hurt; destructive; depressed; upset. And there's nothing I can do about it. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to respond? What's healthy and what's not? When do I know it's okay to stop crying?