May 2013

I'm skipping April, beause it's my bio-mom's birthday. Instead I'm sharing from May 25, the day before the eighth anniversary of her death.

Thinking about Lina makes me sad. I miss her. I also feel guilty for not being upset about the anniversary of her death. Why do I feel guilty? What's gonna happen if I'm not sad? I feel guilty, because I think I'm supposed to be sad. That's what people do. On a death anniversary, people seem to re-experience that loss...Am I a bad person? Living my life, not even thinking about those who died? No. I'm not a bad person. I miss Lina...But I'm not losing them right now. Right now, I'm in my apartment with Tiny. I'm doing mostly well. I accept that I lost Lina. I accept that I've gone through tragedy. But I also accept I only have control over what's right here in my living room. I am able to love and miss someone while doing well and achieving my goals. I am doing well.