I'm starting to spiral. I can't sleep and I'm struggling to take my bedtime meds. It should be easy- take the meds and go to sleep. But part of me is afraid to sleep. I'm scared something bad will happen while I'm asleep. I know that's crazy thinking, but the things that were brought up at therapy, earlier this week, are having an effect on my mental state. I've shoved so much down over the years and hidden so many things. I'm scared they'll surface. Nobody knows I'm struggling this much. They don't know I'm spiraling out of control.
How do I get a grip on this and slow down? I can't; I'm stuck and my thoughts and fears are surfacing. My therapist is unavailable this weekend; I dunno that I can get by without SH-ing. She left another therapist's number with me, in case something happened. But I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone else. Plus, it's 2 am and no one's awake.
I'm continuing to cut calories. And am trying to burn more without making it obvious. My mom's family is coming to visit this week, so it might be easier to get by on a low calorie count. My parents will be distracted with taking care of the grandparents and uncles and aunt. I may actually lose some weight this week!!
I go through episodes where I'm scared to go to sleep. For me, I think it's when I'm having a lot of flashback/trauma nightmares.
ReplyDeleteIt's understandable that you don't want to talk to someone you don't know. Would it help to call a service like Lifeline/Kids Helpline/etc. (I'm not sure exactly what you have available)? There are even 1-to-1 online chats available with some helplines, and maybe the anonymity would make it easier than talking to someone who knows your therapist?
Take care as best you can <3
xxxx