The Hard Road

Today has been a very busy day. I've been making phone calls, scanning papers, and getting emails and faxes from the hospital and mental health center back home. I'm trying to get releases signed for the various organization and places that have worked with me to give information to the residential place I'm trying to get into for treatment. It's been pretty successful. I have two releases filled out and ready to be faxed.

My mom and I also got to talk. She's been an awesome support and encouragement. I'm still having really strong urges to cut, but I'm not talking to her about that. I'm trying to be honest about my feelings. I don't go into deep detail about the behaviors and decisions I make, I just say "I was being self destructive." She doesn't need the detail, or horrible things I've done to myself in her mind. I'm sure it's there anyways. So, today we kind of just talked about how I spiraled out of control over the past several months now, and how I ended up in the place I'm in. She says even though I've had a setback, she can see a lot of growth and change in me compared to how I handled things four years ago. She's right; I handle things a lot differently. Four years ago, I was a very angry person, and threw a lot of tantrums. I had to work through my anger, which was a hard process, but I did it and I'm glad I did. Now, I need to try to work on my self-esteem and self-confidence. I have a hard road in front of me, but at the moment, it doesn't seem as hard as the road behind me was.