I don't know where to start. So much has happened in the past few weeks and life's gonna keep happening. I ended up OD-ing again, the other week and went back to the ER. I was readmitted to the psych hospital and stayed for 2 weeks. Even at the hospital, with all the other patients and having 24-7 supervision, I felt so alone and empty. I felt like the ED and depression had taken over and the rest of me was gone. They made some minor changes to my meds and made a new plan of action.
I'm now in Texas, staying with my adoptive family until I get into residential treatment. Hopefully, I'll get accepted soon. In the mean time, I'm gonna try to see a therapist and doc here in Texas. And have open communication with my parents. I'm already struggling with urges and I've been here for less than 24 hours. It's gonna be hard to talk about stuff with our history, but I gotta make it work. I can't lose them again. I don't wanna lose any of my support and that's what I'm afraid is gonna happen when I go to residential treatment. I'm afraid that I won't be able to communicate with my support system and will be completely alone. I don't wanna be alone. I know God's there, but he seems so distant from me lately.
Oh dear, you've really been through the wringer lately. I hope it doesn't take too long for residential to sort out. You've worked so hard and come so far, it'll be amazing to see you take that next step. I know it's hard to be away from your support network like that for so long, but I just hope they'll be able to maintain their support and openness with you while you're in residential.
ReplyDelete<3
xx
Thanks! I hope so too!
Delete