Maybe Giving Up My Scissors

Today I had therapy. My therapist wants me to give up my scissors that I always cut with. I'm scared to. I'm scared if I don't have access to my scissors, I'll either find something else to cut with or I'll OD. I told her I'll just find something else to cut with. She told me to text her tonight when I'm getting ready for bed and to take my PRN. I don't know if I can just not cut today. I don't know if I can give up my scissors. What if I go back to purging all my meals? Or laxative abuse? Not that I can get laxatives. I'm terrified of taking this step towards "recovery." My scissors are so meaningful to me, but so shameful. She wants me to give them to my mom. I didn't say anything about it to my mom yet. We had an hour drive home and I just sat thinking about it the whole time, trying not to panic. I don't even know how to talk to her about it, without it being super awkward. Maybe I can wrap them up and give them to her and tell her to hold on to the package til I need it. I'm not even being completely honest. I have a backup pair of scissors. Do I give those to her to? I feel so stressed out right now.