Sorry, I haven't blogged in over a week. It's been a rough week. I've started writing up blogs and would start panicking and decided not to post them. My urges to OD have been completely out of control since giving my scissors up last weekend. On Friday night, I went through with it. Its awful. The rush of endorphins only lasted a few minutes. And since the end of the rush, I've been in a very dark place. I didn't go to the hospital, which I'm very thankful for. My parents do know that I OD and so does my therapist. They kept an eye on me yesterday to make sure I was ok. I threw up after OD-ing so I'm fine. I'm sure my therapist will want to talk about it on Thursday. I don't want to talk about it. In fact, I want to forget it. I feel so stupid for taking the pills. And I hate myself for everything I've done to screw things up.
As far as Ana goes, I'm slipping back into her patterns. I'm restricting more and purging more. I'm secretly throwing out food. I know someone will catch on, but in the mean time I'm gonna destroy myself. I dunno what else to do. I feel so worthless.
I hope the next week is better for you, and that your therapist has some words of wisdom. My GP and I often discuss self-harm and even which methods/tools are less dangerous. It's always uncomfortable, but ultimately I'm grateful for her input.
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