I just started a new book- its one of those devotional books that’s supposed to help you apply God’s word to your daily life. Its starts out asking, “What three word would you use to describe yourself?” That question got me thinking. How do I sum myself up in three word? How do I wish to be described when given only three words? So today’s blog is gonna be about the three words I would use to describe myself now. And my next blog will be about the three words I wish described me.
The first word that pops into mind: insecure. I feel so insecure about everything. I don’t like the way I look. Until recently, I rarely posted pictures of myself online and even now, I only post my face. I hate people seeing my body. My most recent boyfriend couldn’t even touch me without me cringing. I don’t want others to feel the fat that I perceive on my body. The other day, my mom took me clothes shopping. She says it was a success, because we found clothes that fit me pretty well. I don’t feel the same way as her. I felt humiliated, trying on clothes and seeing how disgustingly fat I looked in everything. My stomach stuck out and my thighs looked huge. My hips so wide. I felt so gross in my own skin. I wanted to melt away into nonexistence. We bought the clothes she said looked good on me and I went with her opinion, because I can’t rely on my own. I’m too insecure to trust my own opinion- even the insecure ones. So, insecurity is one of my most prevalent traits.
The second word I would use is: Judgmental. I pretend not to be judgmental and for the most part I’m very accepting of others. But there this side of me that mostly comes out when talking about how I should or shouldn’t feel or deal with a situation. I shouldn’t be hurt by the way family photos were done the other week. I blogged about this on June 8, so I won’t drag it out. I shouldn’t even be upset still. I also shouldn’t be upset with the nurse for telling me my BMI. However, she should have known better than to saI blogged about this on June 8, so I won’t drag it out. I shouldn’t even be upset still. I also shouldn’t be upset with the nurse for telling me my BMI. However, she should have known better than to say the BMI of someone with an ED in front of them. All judgments.
The third word I would use is sensitive. I am very sensitive, emotionally and physiologically. My feelings get hurt easily, like with the photo situation. I also get overwhelmed very easily. Whether it be school work, or in a crowded place, or just at home with my little brothers running around making all kinds of noise. I’m very sensitive to noise and sometimes, need to escape and sit quietly in my room. As I mentioned earlier, I’m also sensitive to people touching me. Emotionally, I just get upset easier than others, but I also get really freakin excited for things. It comes with having a sensitive personality.
I guess you could say the three words I picked were connected in some way. I think being sensitive can sometimes be a good thing, but I wish I wasn’t so insecure and judgmental. If you wanna know the three words I wish described me, you’ll have to wait til my next blog. But keep a lookout, it’ll come very soon.
Very insightful. I look forward to reading what three words you want to describe you.
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