June 6

Life's not getting any easier and I'm starting to have suicidal thoughts again. I already have a plan; i'm not gonna post what the plan is, because its not really important how I hurt myself. Part of me wants to act on my thoughts tonight. I don't know what to do. I'm scared and hurting so badly right now. I don't know why I feel this way today. There haven't been any specific triggers that I can point out. I don't know what to do. I'm in a panic and just wanna act on my urges and get it over with. My mom has all my meds still. If she didn't have them, I would have already OD-ed on them. I don't want to tell her that I'm feeling this bad. I don't want her to worry. But I also don't want her to find me dead. I think I'll try to hold off at least until I talk to my therapist. I told her if I had any thoughts, I'd talk to her first. I want her to trust me as much as I need to be able to trust her. I'll text her first thing in the morning.