May 28

Its been a rough couple of days. The 11th anniversary of bio-mom's death was on Thursday. On Wednesday evening, I cut pretty deep and hit an artery. I couldn't stop the bleeding. I didn't know what to do, so I texted my mom and she came into my bathroom to help me. She put pressure on it, but it wasn't helping. So she called a friend who's a nurse. She came over and helped stop the bleeding and super glue the cut shut. It took awhile to stop the bleeding, but luckily I didn't lose too much blood. And thankfully I didn't have to go to the hospital. I was scared we were gonna end up at the hospital and I'd end up in the psych ward again. I talked to my therapist about what's been going on. And we talked about skills to use. The skills she taught me were had the acronym TIPP. T for temperature change. You can do this by sticking your face in a bowl of ice. I is for intense exercise; I'll have to work up to that one. She said I could just do 20 jumping jacks, but I don't even have the energy or motivation to do that. The P's are for Progressive muscle relaxation and paced breathing. Progressive Muscle Relaxation is a method used release tension from your muscles and relax. Paced breathing is self-explained. I haven’t tried any of the skills yet, but I’m gonna give them a try this week. My therapist wants me to try to go two days without cutting this week. My mom’s kinda checking on my cuts daily, so I’m nervous about making new cuts anyway. Its been hard, having another person see my cuts. She glued a bunch of them shut. It makes me sad to have them shut, because I like looking inside them and messing with them. I know that she’s just trying to keep them from getting infected, but its still hard.