It was a hard day today. I pretty much drowned in my depression. I took laxatives yesterday, and they did not quite do what I wanted them to. I was in so much pain today. My stomach hurt everytime I moved or breathed. I laid, curled up in a ball, most of the day. I got up at one point and took about 20 more laxatives, which I threw up about 30 minutes later. I feel miserable and fat. I ate way too much yesterday, this weekend, today- everyday. I'm up to 86 lbs- So Gross! I texted someone telling them that things are becoming unmanageable and they asked if I would go to the Chapel Hill ED Center. I'm too fat for treatment. I'm too fat to get help. Am I even really sick? I eat so much and I've gained like 4 lbs in the past week! I hate myself so much!
Anyways, today, because I felt so sick, I didn't eat until this evening. I ate a cup of miso soup, half of a salad, and I've drank like 2 or 3 diet cokes today.
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