I am getting to the point where I just don't wanna deal with people anymore. Friends suck almost as much as customers at the grocery store I work at. I just can't take any more comments from customers about how tired or sick I look. And I'm really tired of my friends or so-called friends even talking to me anymore. I live in a small apartment complex owned by the people I receive most of my support from. So all of my friends- or most of them live here too. When I get home from a long day of work or school, they are waiting for me to hang out. So I don't get a chance to come home and have a few minutes to myself, or shower after staring at blood and feces under a microscope all day, or have time to recharge. And the little time I do get to myself, I have my friend texting me, "Where are you?" "What are you doing today?" "Can you come over?" "Why aren't you answering me?" "Do you still want the bedframe?" "Are you mad at me?" "If you don't text me back, I'm throwing out the bedframe." JUST THROW OUT THE EFFING BEDFRAME AND LEAVE ME THE F*** ALONE. Then she text my personal favorite. By the way, if you're friend has a mental illness of any sort and is struggling, don't be a bitch and text this- its a sure way to lose a friend! "I know you have split personality and I'm sure its hard, but its hard on the people who care about you." One- I'll show you effing split personality, because when I'm done with you, you're gonna be left with so many personalities, you won't know what to do with yourself. I do not have Multiple Personality Disorder, if that's what you're trying to get at. Trust me. I wish did; I'd get away with a whole lot more. Second- You have no effing idea how hard dealing with my issues is, so you might as well shut the f*** up. And lastly, I'm sure it is hard on the people who care about me, but you obviously don't, so you can go screw yourself!
Another tip for you guys, don't piss someone off who's restricting and taking laxatives. We happen to be slightly hangry. And I happen to be slightly "emotionally unstable". But pointing that out to me is also a bad idea if you wanna keep your face. Like why can't everyone be like my mom and my sister and be incredibly understanding and supportive while I'm struggling with my ED and depression? My mom and my sister are just happy I'm being honest that I'm struggling and am working it out in therapy and possibly going to treatment. They don't use treatment against me and make me feel like shit for being alive or for wanting help. I just I hate having "friends"!
On the brighter, I stuck to my diet on day 5. I got up in the morning and ate some cantaloupe. Then a little later, I had an Ensure. While I was at work, I sipped on Peppermint tea. After work, I sipped on a diet coke. Then for dinner, I had some miso soup and some lightly seasoned fajita veggies. And I ended the day with some Jasmine tea, which put me right to sleep. Til I woke up to blog about how upset I was about contact with other humans.
My plan for day 6: I have some kiwifruit for breakfast. I'm gonna finish cleaning my apartment in the morning, maybe? I might run to Trader Joe's to get stuff to make smoothies this upcoming week. Then I'll have an ensure for lunch, which I'll probably drink at work. After work, I have a tea party to go to- I'll be late to it, so I may have a cup of tea, but I'll probably due without food. Then, depending on whether my brother is in town or not, I'll come home and eat miso soup and mixed veggies with cauliflower rice. Then I'll have a cup of tea, while I clean my apartment. If my brother's in town, I'll probably go over to my sister's, in which case I'll try to eat small amounts saying I already ate at the tea party. I can't believe my brother will be here in the next 48 hours!!
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