It's been an awful couple of days. I just keep feeling worse. I'm eating way too much- taking way too many laxatives. Feeling guilty, fat, and miserable. But I just can't stand to be around people anymore. Work was awful, these past few days. We were so busy and so crowded and it took everything I have to not hurt someone. Every customer that came through my line just seemed to get deeper and deeper under my skin. And I just felt like I was gonna explode. Friday night, I kinda did explode on my bf. I was just so frustrated and his response just hurt me. Everytime I get upset, he makes sure I feel like the most invalidated person on Earth. He doesn't think I have any right to feel beaten down and tired after working extra hours on the busiest day at work. He doesn't think "it's fair to my friends for me to not wanna hang out with them" when I feel like complete shit and have nothing left in me to be nice. Oh and my favorite thing he said was a sarcastic remark about how "everything's about me". Nothing's ever about me! And I'm so tired of my feelings and my struggles not mattering. For goodness sake, I go to effing pro-ana sites for understanding and comfort, because my own friends and family seem to not care about how hard of a time I'm having. And how by being an asshole to me, am I gonna wanna hang out with you or anyone? I think I'm just giving up on people in the real world and having friends on the internet. I don't even wanna try to be nice anymore. I don't wanna try to explain myself. I don't wanna try at all.
Congratulations Society! You have lost me to my illness!
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