Day 11 of my Progressively More Restrictive Diet

I suck at life and feel like giving up. I just I binged and purged again tonight, because I'm disgusting and fat. I didn't take enough laxatives- I dunno how much is enough. I gotta get day 12 right or its gonna be time to rethink this whole diet. I'm gonna have to make adjustments and figure out how to keep me on track. I really think I can do it. I'm just such a fat ass, I get distracted from my ultimate goal so easily. But I got told earlier that the ED clinic has a bed available next week, which gives me only a week to get below 80 lbs. I would basically have to fast, in order to get there. And I know I wouldn't be able to fast with my track record, so looks like I'm just gonna have to stick to my diet.