Just a matter of how and when

I dunno if I'm giving up hope, or if I've already given it up. But all I've thought about today is the fact that we're all gonna die. Every single one of us is gonna die. Some will die peacefully in their sleep; others will die horrific deaths. Some will suffer for months- maybe even years- before they die. Others will die quickly and it'll seem like overnight. Some will die of natural causes; some will die from suicide or maybe homicide. Some may die tomorrow; some won't die for years. Its only a matter of time before we die. And for me, I'll probably die in the next couple of years. Its just a matter of how. Cancer- maybe, hopefully, but not likely. My ED- most likely. Or another OD- one that my body and heart just can't handle. I'm not planning on OD-ing at the moment. But it's only a matter of time before I do it again. And my ED, it's not gonna get better- I'm not gonna get better. I don't even wanna try to get better and my body can only handle so much abuse. So how and when will I die? Does it even really matter? I dunno if I'm slipping into a darker place or giving up hope or what. But I just don't see the point in fighting the inevitable.