I failed, again. I ate a salad with chicken and blue cheese dressing for dinner- disgusting and fattening. I just can't help it; I get these craving and just feel like I have to fulfill them. So, anyways, as I mentioned yesterday I have a week before I'm sent to treatment. A week from tomorrow. I'm feeling nervous and kinda stressed about it. And wanna back out, already. My bf says he'll drive me there- it's 4.5 hours away. I've never been so conflicted and nervous and stressed and insecure and unsure about something in my life. Okay, maybe I have. But what if this just makes me spiral farther out of control or develop a worse problem or causes my suicidal thoughts to worsen. I won't have my brother or sister or friends to turn to. I'll be with a bunch of strangers far away from home in an unfamiliar place. I won't have my cat there to remind me of everything I care about and want in life. I'm so nervous. What if I get there and they decide I'm not sick enough for treatment and send me away? I wasted all that gas money and all that time for nothing. So many things to think and worry about.
Anyways, one week to break 80 lbs. And struggling to follow any sort of diet, because I suck at life and everything I do. I'm so fat and gross. For the next week, I need to follow this diet plan:
Breakfast: Tea- No sweetener
Lunch- Ensure or Green Smoothie- Not to exceed 250 Calories
Mid-Afternoon- Tea- No sweetener
Dinner- Salad or Soup- Not to exceed 250 Calories
After Dinner- Tea- No sweetener
I can do this diet. I know I can. I got this. Just gotta stay focus on the goal and can't give into cravings!
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