The first two days of my plan have been alright. I ate too much today, but theres always tomorrow. Today was alright. We went grocery shopping. My mom had the list and we got stuff without me panicking. There are times when I'm standing in the store that I just wanna curl up in a ball and hide. The decisions are so hard to make. Glad my mom's here to help ease that anxiety. My little brothers are both refusing to eat dinner tonight. Its a fight with them most nights. I try to be a good example and eat my dinner. Of course, I generally purge dinner. But they don't need to know that.
Oh, tomorrow's gonna be pretty exciting. Me and a friend are gonna go see a movie! Its around dinner time, so I'll probably catch dinner with her. Hopefully, I don't have to eat too much. Its hard for me to relate to other people, but I'm trying really hard to make friends here. Even if they're just temporary friends. They could last as my friends, but its not likely. I feel like I burn through friends faster than I burn through therapist. No one ever sticks around long, and if theres a chance they will, it seems like i move several states over. Maybe I fear attachment as much as I fear abandonment.
Speaking of attachment and abandonment, I'm nervous about this whole therapy thing. I wanna grow more trust with her. From what I can see, she's good at her job and knows what she's talking about, but I'm scared if I open up to her, she'll leave or quit on me. I don't wanna lose another therapist I've grown attached to. I don't think I'm as attached to her as I was to my old therapist that quit on me. But I dunno if I wanna get that attached, ever- to anyone. Yet, I complain about feeling lonely.
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