Betrayal...trust no one

I find it hard to trust anyone. But every once in awhile, I take a leap of faith and trust that people have what's best for me in mind. Then when they turn around and do something I was hoping they would and should have expected, I feel betrayed and defeated. I hate feeling this way. The first time I remember feeling this way, I was a kid and I trusted my brother to not tell on me. Many times I trusted him to not tell on me and he did. The problem with people is none of them are trustworthy. They all lie and cheat. I got a henna tattoo when I was 15, my brother tattled on me as soon as he could. My bio father had already spoken to me about not getting one. It was temporary, so why did it matter?? I'll never understand.

When I was 16, I started therapy. A whole new world of trust and betrayal is introduced when you enter the world of therapy. As a teenager (and even now), my therapist worked for my parents- not me. I had to watch every word I spoke, and if anything slipped, I had to face the yelling and hurtful tirade that came as a result. Things were never smooth at home, but therapy seemed to make it worse. When I quit therapy at 17, I was in Hell and had nowhere to turn. But my adopted family opened their door and invited me in. When I my emotions got the best of me and I could no longer trust them, they quickly realized they couldn't trust me either. Over the years, I've learned to get by on my own- whether by healthy or not-so-healthy ways.

One person was ever really there for me and when she betrayed me, I truly thought I was gonna die. She never went behind my back. And she stuck with me for months after I could no longer afford to see her. Why do people do this? They earn your trust and pretend they'll get you through the hard times and then bam! They stab you all over.

Anyways, I feel betrayed, today, and angry about it. And it hurts so much. My eyes are actually tearing up and I don't cry very often. I don't know who to trust anymore. I wanna trust my current therapist so badly, but I feel like her and my mom have gone behind my back and talked about me and are keeping things from me. I feel like everyone's teaming up against me. I hate it.