How do I break free?

It's been okay the past couple of days. Still feel like I'm eating too much. And I've been sticking my fingers down my throat so much that I now have sores on my knuckles. Oh the joys of Ana. I'm struggling to maintain a stable mood and am struggling to keep up with my DBT assignments this week. My therapist is not gonna be happy with me. Its just so hard to care when everything feels like shit.

Last night, I went out with a friend. I told my mom I ate dinner with her. I said we went to Chick-fil-a. I feel terrible for lying. I didn't eat dinner. I ate some candy- which I also feel guilty for. I'm such a fat ass. A lying fat ass. I dunno why I lied. I feel like Ana's got a hold of me and I can't break free. It's like I'm in a jail cell. My brothers and I play a game, where they lock me in jail. I'm never sure why I'm going to jail, but I follow their lead and cry to be freed. That's what it feels like with Ana. I just wanna break free. I cry for her to let me go and it feels like she puts me in isolation.

What do I do? How do I break free? How do I break these chains that hold me down? How? What do I have to do to break free and live a happy healthy life? Is there even such thing?