Worries...

I am so nervous about Friday night. That's my parents date night. I asked 2 different friends if they were available to come over, but one's gonna be out of town and the other just can't do it. I dunno what I'm gonna do. I don't think my brothers will listen to me, especially the youngest. And I'm afraid of being left home alone. My therapist and I talked about practicing being home alone, but I don't think I'm ready. All I've been thinking about the past couple of days is cutting and OD-ing. I don't wanna screw up, but I sort of do. I know that makes no sense. I haven't talked to my mom about it; I'm too nervous. I don't even know how to start the conversation.

Then there's this family visit happening in 2 weeks. I'm so nervous about having more people in the house. My sister was one thing, but this is my mom's family and i feel like they don't consider me a part of the family. Which I guess I'm not biologically. But my parents did adopt me, so legally I am. It's just awkward feeling like I'm intruding on family time. Maybe I'll stay locked up in my room the whole visit. With all the anxiety I feel right now, maybe I'll stay locked up forever.

I just did my worry time and the timer went off, so I need to stop worrying. But it's so hard. My therapist is gonna be out of town the next few days too. I dunno how I'm gonna get by without being able to contact her. When did life get so tough?