How do people live without cutting? I've been cutting for so long, I can't see life without it. I need it to survive. I wanna cut so badly right now. I'm supposed to be going out with a friend in a little bit, so its not really an ideal time to cut. Plus my mom has my scissors. I purged a few minutes ago. Every time I purge, I have this strong urge to cut. I dunno why. But I'm hanging over the toilet with stuff dripping down my face and all I wanna do sit against the wall and watch a cut bleed. I wish I had my scissors. My therapist talks about a life worth living, and says someday, I'll have it. I don't have much faith that I will.
I decided I will start counting calories. I'm just trying to settle on a number of calories. Or if I'm gonna do a different number every day. Or maybe I'll try the 2468 diet. I dunno. Today I've already fucked up, so tomorrow will be my first day of counting. I was gonna make up my own diet with a different number of calories each day, but now, I'm kinda leaning towards the 2468 diet.
Friends here. gotta go.
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